New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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