Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
