someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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