Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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