i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
