I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
