remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize