By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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