So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
