i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
