I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
