Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
