No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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