she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
