I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
