people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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