I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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