i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
