saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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