You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize