im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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