I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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