You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
