Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
