hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
