Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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