The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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