I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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