So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize