I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
