I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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