She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
