my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
