There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
