exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
