its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
