are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
