If i come over, it means nothing
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
