No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
