If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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