I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
