"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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