home. puking in laundry basket.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize