I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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