what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
