i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
