i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When did angry sex become our thing?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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