we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize