Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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