I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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