You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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