its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
