My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You are a genius and a whore.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
