If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
