JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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