Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
