I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
