We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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