Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Screwed.edu
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize