My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
