Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
