She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
