she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
