Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
