I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
