She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize