No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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