TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize