Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
